A Difficult Subject

Here’s the thing, I am eagerly awaiting the release of the second Bright’s Pond novel—Charlotte Figg Takes Over Paradise. It is set to hit the shelves both virtual and physical September first. I’m really excited about this one because it deals with a subject that doesn’t always get the attention it needs and deserves—domestic abuse. I know, I know, what a depressing subject to start the week on but naturally Charlotte takes a look at this subject with both humor and pathos. The sad truth is that millions of women (I am pretty much going to refer to women throughout although many men are abused also in marriages) are abused in one form or another each year. Domestic abuse is not just physical violence—it can be verbal, emotional, spiritual and financial. But, an emotional attack can be just as or even more damaging than a punch in the eye. The hurt, the pain, the scars of verbal attacks linger long after the arguing is over. Verbal abuse strikes at a woman’s core, her self-esteem, her very sense of who she is. These attacks can come in sneaky, underhanded ways with small jabs of passive aggression or they can come loud and full on as a husband shouts obscenities and insults at the woman he promised to love and cherish. There is nothing cherishing about name-calling and demeaning insults. Emotional abuse is insidious and crazy-making, causing women to doubt their own beliefs and feelings and sanity. Emotional abuse is frightening because most women don’t see it early on as she questions the attack. “Maybe it is me. I guess I am stupid or ugly or crazy. He’s my husband, he would never say anything like that if it wasn’t true.” Most women want to love their husbands and please them and will do anything to stop the hollering, the shouting, the name-calling.” But here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter what the woman does, her husband will still find fault, find ways to blame her for everything that goes wrong in their marriage and even in his life.

“Emotional abuse chips away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. Victims of emotional abuse, feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want.
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so.” Helpguide.org
If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.


Caroline said...

A subject that is intensely interesting to me Joyce! I've seen it in friend's lives and read & studied the subject. Thanks for dealing w/it in your book!

Loved the clinic class. You did an excellent job!

Pam Halter said...

You are totally right. More women need to know this and do something about it.

Twelfthknit said...

Hey, Pam, I half agree with you ;0) More PEOPLE need to know about this.

Kathy said...

Hi Joyce, I just started reading "Charlott Figg Takes Over Paradise". Having grown up with emotional abuse in the home, I've thought about writing about it... It will be great to learn how you handled it. Look forward to seeing how Look forward to meeting you at your upcoming workshop on May 25th!