Wrting vs. Cattle Ranching


Here's the thing, writing is hard work. So is cattle ranching. At least, I imagine cattle ranching to be a difficult job, having never ranched cattle in my life. I did however attempt to ride a cow one night. She wasn't very happy about it and scared the bejeebers out of me when she turned her head and looked at me with her giant cow eyes and mooed and the farmer started shooting buckshot over my head. But that's not important. What is important is that writing is hard work. Yet, I love it and hope to be writing and publishing stories until I am a senile, daffy old woman. Now there's a life change I think will come rather smoothly to me, perhaps not even really noticeable to those who know me now.
Many authors have blogged or written about what makes writing so difficult. Well, I have decided to write about what is easy about writing novels (as compared to cattle ranching).
It's EASY to procrastinate and spend countless hours engaged in mindless silly ventures, like Bejewelled. Cattle do not play bejeweled that I know about. Too hard to click the mouse with hoofs the size of Tennesee.

It's EASY to listen to the internal editor and believe everything she/he/it is telling you. My internal editor is a bloated, sweaty, middle aged man in a pin stripe suit smoking cigars and sounds like Edgar G. Robinson. It's EASY to listen to him. Cattle have three stomachs (or is it seven?), no room for an internal editor.

It's EASY to tell yourself you are a lousy writer and no wants to read your stuff anyway. Cattle never lie to themselves or each other.

It's EASY to eat inordinate amounts of chocolate in the name of creativity. Writers NEED chocolate in order to write. Yep, it's EASY to believe that one. Check out my stash of M&Ms. Cattle do not eat M&Ms. It's too hard to reach into the bag with hoofs the size of Tennessee.

It's EASY to stare at the blank screen or page for hours and write absolutely nothing of any lasting value. Cattle don't type with hoofs the size of Tennesee.They dictate.

It's EASY to take countless breaks to supposedly ruminate on a plot point or character arc. Cattle actually do ruminate but they chew their cud in the process. Uhm, on this fact I think writers and cattle are similar.

It's EASY to toss the laptop out the window in frustration. On a cattle ranch the only things getting tossed are the Meadow Muffins left by the cattle.

It's EASY to call your editor and cry because you've missed the deadline because the sweaty, middle aged internal editor was laughing at you for the last month and a half. Cattle are never late. They always go back to the barn on time.

I'm sure there are more things that are easy about being a writer. How about it? What is EASY about writing for you?

3 comments:

Bonnie Calhoun said...

The easiest thing I find about writing is procrastination :-)

Phoebe said...

lol, I think I'm going to print these out and paste them by my laptop haha

christa said...

It's easy to be a writer when I can read your blogs! Seriously.