This little piggy went to school and got us all sick!
Here's the thing. Swine Flu. It's everywhere and my secret identity is elementary school classroom assistant, which means I get to hang out with fifty-two snotty-nosed, coughing, hacking, touchy, feeling kindergarten through fifth graders. That's right. Primary school--The mecca of germs, the nexus of the fluniverse, absolute zero for every cold, virus, and antibiotic resistent strain of anything. Yikes. We try, we try to keep things as germ-free as possible, but we have them, the nose-pickers, the sneezers who just love to sneeze right into their hands and then wipe their hands on the carpet, his friend, the chairs, the teacher. Yep, it's germ warfare. I carry Lysol in a holster and hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes and tissues in my batgirl utility belt. We hang cuetsey signs reminding the little germ factories to wash their hands and blow their noses and wipe down their surfaces every thirty seconds. But do they do it? Well most of them. We drill regularly on proper hand-washing techniques and there isn't a teacher alive who is to shy to say, "That's disgusting. Blow your nose and wash your hands." But, even with all our most creative innovations and strongest bleech we will get sick. As I write this I have a scratchy throat. And as those of you who know me know, Joyce does not like to be sick! So please, help keep me from the germs and buy many many of my books so I can stay home and blissfully write without the added atraction of germs. I probably caught it from the little darling who came up to me, gave me a big hug, and said, "I wasn't here yesterday because I had a fever of a hundred and two point six, but it's only a hundred this morning." That's right. So I hope no one is offended when I come to school with latex gloves and a michael jackson facemask. Does anyone know where I can get a HazMat suit. I'll just say it's my Halloween costume.