You Might Be a Writer If --


Okay, I know many others have done this but I thought I'd take a stab at it.

You might be a writer if:

You ever asked the question, "Who ate the first lobster?" I mean who looked at that creepy, monster-like crustacean and said, "Um that would be good with a little drawn butter?"

Your child is undergoing a spinal tap and instead of holding her hand you're taking notes.

You have already given birth twice but decide to do it again for research purposes and this time without drugs so you can get the full, unclouded effect.

You seriously worry what might happen if the FBI got a hold of your computer and saw what you've been googling.

You force your family to spend their vacation at Colonial Williamsburg, yet again! Because this time you're going to ask the tour guide if you can actually try churning butter—just to get the real feel.

You are chin deep in chapter six when the phone rings. It's your mother. She asks, "What are you doing?" And you say, "Nothing much, just . . . dusting."


You wake up in the middle of the night because the characters in your head have decided to have a party and they didn't invite you, so you jump out of bed to at least listen and write it all down.

You won't admit this to anyone but going to a writers conference is better than Christmas and your birthday combined and you pray seriously that none of your children will get sick until AFTER you are on the airplane and you only feel mildly guilty for doing this.

Some of your best friends are police officers, paramedics, psychiatrists, librarians, cave experts, neurosurgeons, ballistics experts, botanists, and you are on a first name basis with the poison control lady.

You have seriously contemplated tossing your computer out the window.

Now it's your turn. Any to add?

28 comments:

Glenn said...

You look forward to taking three showers a day because that's where you're best story lines start from!

Debbie Viguie said...

You critique everyday conversations with friends and family as not having very snappy dialgoue.

Christa Allan said...

You make your family promise to destroy your laptop because you've been to the most bizarre[and probably illegal] sites.

You call a nurse friend and tell her you need someone to die in six months,but not from cancer, and she's not appalled.

You ponder story ideas like, "what if you went to the mailbox and never returned?"

You have a link to the Visual Dictionary so you can find the real names of those thingamajiggies.

You sit in coffee shops and write down the conversations other people are having.

You have a panic attack when you can't find your Rodale Synonym Finder.

You comment on one of your bestest friends blogs about weird things writers do.

Cynthia Ruchti said...

You gave up dusting the top of your cupboards "for your art's sake."

You keep an oxygen tank handy for days when the mail contains something from Amazon.com.

You edit the church bulletin, closed captioning of the news, and other people's blog comments.

You can spend your whole grocery budget at Office Max, if you're not careful.

You're offended when people don't understand that staring off into space IS writing!

If offered a two-week vacation in Hawaii with no Internet access and no pens or paper versus four days holed up in a ratty cabin with all the time in the world to write, you'd have to think about it.

Kay Marshall Strom said...

Your doctor and his medical group hold a Saturday morning meeting to help you come up with the best way to kill someone that can't be traced.

Joyce said...

Ha .These are the best. You guys rock. WE should write a book!

Barbara Scott said...

Joyce, wouldn't that be a great book? LOL Leave it to the editor. I can see it on the shelves now. At the next retreat, everyone needs to bring a list.

lerual said...

You always have a pen handy.
You have notes on your phone that have nothing to do with the grocery list.
You are over thirty and still looking words up in a dictionary.
You have gotten a rejection letter...or two.
You only half listen to your friend's story of their day, trying to think of ways you could steal the story without being obvious.

Bill Giovannetti said...

You spend more time on Facebook, Twitter, and writer's blogs than on personal hygiene.

You turn your books face out at Barnes and Noble.

Your blood pressure rises and falls inversely with your Amazon sales ranking.

You disdain mortals who say "for you and I."

You're on a first name basis with your town's barristas.

Sandie Bricker said...

You might be a writer if ... When a friend is telling you how she felt when she was reporting to the police that her house was robbed, you find yourself interrupting her with questions about forensics and police reporting.

Joyce said...

Keep them coming. What a riot.
I can so relate to the grocery list. I just got back from the market. My list:
Milk
Eggs
Hamburger Buns
Bananas
Rose found me up to me elbows in pie crust the next day.
Half and Half
Chicken

And BIll, Yep first name basis with barista and the fed ex guy!

Joyce said...

Debbie, love it. I find myself critiquing everything.

Joyce said...

You might be a writer if the notes you write to your kid's teacher take three weeks to write and go through several drafts and you send them to your crit partner just to be sure. And then after you sign it you tell your kid to tell the teacher "Mom said you might want to save that."

Rich said...

You might be a writer if...

- Diet Coke is a chaser for a cup of coffee.

- You ponder at length how breaking an arm would feel.

- Exotic locales call you--not for vacation, but as settings for murder.

- You wonder how you can use your friends' and families names in your story without offending them--at least not too much.

- A brilliant cliffhanger is reason for dancing.

- You are tempted to steal every good description you read.

Myra Johnson said...

These are WONDERFUL!!! I'm trying to think of something else new and original, but these already run the gamut!

I am SO BAD about mentally (or to my husband) critiquing the church bulletins and newsletters. And, OH BOY, do I cringe at "for you and I"!

Okay, here's one. You know you're a writer when your social life takes place entirely in your own head and your favorite people aren't even real.

One more. You know you're a writer when you have set up a Google alert for every possible version of your name and book titles.

Susan Salley said...

How about:
You go on the trip of a lifetime and spend more time taking notes for a book on travelling solo as a spiritual practice than, well, the trip!
Someone breaks your heart and you're kind of intrigued by the dramatic possibilities.
"TMI" or too much information never ever offends you.
And - hurray to the writer who turns books face out at the bookstore. Your publishers do too!

Joyce said...

Bravo everyone. A good day's work.

Sherry Kyle said...

You talk to your husband about your characters and he actually thinks they're real people.

You spend countless hours on Twitter and Facebook to grow your social network.

You pray your husband buys 'take-out' on the way home so you can write one more chapter.

Okay, this is a little too revealing . . .

LOL.

Pam Halter said...

You're sitting in church and you get an idea for your WIP and you start scribbling on the bulletin ... and everyone thinks you're getting something out of the sermon.

HA!!

Lisa Lickel said...

You can't read anything written after 1955.

You're visiting a bookstore in a small town that will be your future home when the local gossip comes in to tell about a gruesome murder not far from where your house will be...and you're excited about the neighborhood for your next mystery.

Rita Gerlach said...

At 10 am you realize you haven't brushed your teeth yet. At 2 pm you realize you haven't had breakfast or lunch...just coffee. At 5 pm you realize you haven't taken anything out of the freezer for dinner. Before bed you step on the scale and see you haven't lost a pound but gained one from sitting at the computer all day.

Joyce said...

good one Rita!

Laurie said...

Hi there Joyce!!! I will be in your clinic and look forward to meeting you and the others. As far as what I look forward to the most I look forward to time to myself honestly:) (I am a mom of two small children- one of which is crying to get up from nap at the moment!) But, more than that I look forward to learning more about writing and publishing a novel. I know God will have lots of good things in store! Until then... Laurie

Debby Mayne said...

The community affairs officer at the sheriff's department recognizes your number on caller ID.

Melissa Helland said...

Pam, hilarious. I've done that one too.

You might be a writer if a great idea paralyzes all sense of honor and duty like waking up your Kindergartener and preparing them for school. And you seriously considered calling them in sick so you can get in some more writing time.

Barbara Scott said...

Okay, one from the editor...;)

You might be a writer if you ask your plumber how you can kill someone without using Drano.

Jennifer Hudson Taylor said...

You edit and re-edit every email before you click send. And several hours later your husband says, I thought you were just "checking" email?

Susan Skitt said...

LOL! Yeah, I was excited to get called for jury duty this August and actually hope I get picked!