Little Known Writer Phobias

Yesterday, I discussed fear, in particular the fear of never having another fresh idea pop into your poor exhausted writer's brain. Well today I thought I would bring even more writerly fears out of the closet. I'm sure many of you will have your own to add so please, go right ahead. What's your phobia? Here's just a few:

Refuseanogoodreasaonusaphobia which is of course the fear of having your manuscript so lovingly written being rejected for absolutely no good reason that you can think of and of course the editor didn't tell you--well not exactly. There is no known cure for this fear. All we can hope to do is manage it with large quantities of chocolate and of course a healthy dose of perseverance.

Necrolimbetdigitalisaphobia is the fear of carpal tunnel syndrome from typing seventy-two hours a day and still not meeting your deadline or

Mortusfunisaphobia, the fear of deadlines and not making them because your cat died, the kids have projectile vomiting, you have a hundred and twelve cupcakes to bake for the school fundraiser, your mother-in-law is set to descend upon your happy household any minute and now the toilet is overflowing and you're doing your best to ignore it.

epistulainfitialisinteruptusaphobia which is of course the fear of being away from email for more than five minutes. This is an especially difficult fear and frankly, no known cure. Having no email access because you are at a writer's retreat in a cave in the forrest is a terrible thing and only relieved when you get back to civilization. Admit it, you email addicts, it's the fist thing you do when you get home, sometimes even before you kiss the kids and feed the dog.

postgottawritanotherlibrisaphobia or simply the fear of needing to write the next book. The only treatment for this fear is to simply write. Let that other book go and begin fresh unless of course you come to

swampusinmediuscannotgettaouttaphobia The fear of the boggy middle. This fear is so rampant that whole chapters in books have been written about it and funny thing, they're usually in the middle. Check it out.

commatoseasubjectiusparticipleusaphobia, the fear of commas! Need a I say more except thank you God for editors who understand these dark matters and don't holler too loud. And unfortunately if you are over thirty--you can't be helped.

nopersonashowupusaphobia is a horrible fear. It is the fear that you throw a
booksigning and nobody comes. Arrg. This is an awful fear to have. It makes me shudder just to write about it. There is NO getting over this unless you change your name to Rowling or Collins or Kingsberry and then you just have legal issues to deal with. So it's best to be yourself and invite all your friends and family under penalty of no browinies ever again, to come.

By no means is this an exhaustive list. Perhaps you have some to share.


Myra Johnson said...

Thank you for giving names to these inescapable writerly fears, Dr. Joyce (hmmm, where have I heard that name before?). In your next post, perhaps you could offer a few remedies????

Barbara Scott said...

I have another one:

fearuseditorialanicusdoctrinalius...the fear of editors tampering with your stuff and ruining it. I hear its terminal. Shudder.


Lisa Lickel said...

I'd rather know that an editor has even looked at my can tamper all you want, as long as you WANT it....

My fear, though, is wandering in Good Will and seeing shelves of books people have given away. I alternately want to buy them all or run out of the store, sobbing and overwhelmed that my book will end up in an unloved heap.

Pam Halter said...

I have the email disease. HA!

And I've survivied the "no show book signing" disease. It's more exhausting than anything. You get your hopes up and they're smashed. You work hard to keep smiling as people walk by, keeping their eyes averted, as though you have leprosy. It leaves you with a head ache and sore jaws (from clenching them as you force a friendly smile.) My favorite cure is a glass or two of wine. :)

Jennifer AlLee said...

I believe I have suffered from all of these at one time or another (except the one that involved the cat... I am feline free).

But the scarriest thing in your post? That clown! Me thinks I shall have nightmares...